At 5:15 on Thursday evening, Jason Miller of Tomball, TX, returned home from work to find his five children, ages 4 to 12, playing outside unattended, barely clothed, and covered in dirt. Strewn across the yard were toys, books, family photos, empty cereal boxes, and miscellaneous electronics. The doors of the family mini van were open, and the keys were in the ignition. The front door to the house was also ajar.
“My first thought was, ‘My God! Where is my wife?” recalls Miller.
After telling the children to stay where they were, Miller walked through the front door to find his home completely ransacked. Family photos on the walls were askew or knocked down, cabinets and bookcases had been emptied onto the floor, lamps were knocked over, dishes were shattered, and all the lights were on.
“Every time I took a step it crunched because there where Cheerios and crackers everywhere. It was a disaster!” Miller recalls. “The TV was up all the way, music was playing, clothes and toys everywhere. There were even smeared hand prints on the walls that looked like ketchup or jelly or something.”
Miller’s anxiety mounted as he checked every room. “The living room light seemed to be the only one not turned on, and when I flipped the switch, the ceiling fan came on, and for some reason there were Legos and my son’s Skylanders on top of the fan blades, so those all flew everywhere and some of them hit me.”
When asked what he felt at that moment, Miller responded, “I was terrified! I kept imagining various scenarios. Burglary was my first thought, but this was so bad and so weird, I thought maybe some crazy people had broken in.”
“There was half eaten food everywhere; ground into the carpet, smeared onto the walls. And I kept asking myself, ‘Where is Michelle? Is she OK? Is she sick? Has she been kidnapped?’ There were so many what-ifs.”
In a panic, Miller ran up the stairs in search of his missing wife. Upstairs he found water saturating the carpet, which he traced to a bathtub overflowing. There were saturated towels and a dozen rolls of toilet paper strewn on the bathroom floor, as if someone had tried to soak up the water, but hadn’t turned off the faucet.
Finally, he entered the master bedroom. There, he found his wife in bed, curled into a fetal position, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. Miller was bewildered and asked, ‘What happened here? Did someone break in? Are you OK?’
“I’m fine dear,” she answered. “You know how every day, you come home from work and ask me what I’ve been doing all day?”
“Yes?” asked Miller incredulously.
“Well, today,” Michelle explained, “I didn’t do it.”
This comedic tale is fictional and was adapted from a viral online story. Its exact origins are a mystery.