Interview With A Hamburger

Sunday is National Hamburger Day, and to celebrate, we decided to do what any super serious publication with pedantic writers, and readers only interested in stressful politics, tedious economics, and heartbreaking crime stories would do: we interviewed a hamburger. But we didn’t just interview any hamburger. After all, we do have lofty journalistic standards here. We interviewed a Murdoch’s Backyard Pub hamburger. Check it out below, and don’t forget to share this fun article with your friends!

First, thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to interview with us. Murdoch’s offers an assortment of gourmet toppings, but as a wise philosopher once said, “Your circumstances do not define who you truly are.” So, tell us who you are at your core. What’s your patty made of?

What a great question! And, thank you for asking it. It’s a common misconception that all burger patties are the same. Some are fantastic creations packed with spices, flavorings, and even sometimes hearty grains; others are more simple, letting their accessories speak for them. There are also some mixed-breeds out there, composed of more than just beef; even exotic meats like elk and rattlesnake. Those guys are great, because more meats equals more flavor! My Murdoch’s siblings and I are made of 100% Texas Hereford beef. We’re 80% lean and 20% fat (yeah, we work out), with just a little salt and pepper, and some other seasonings to highlight the naturally delicious flavor we were born with. We think we’re pretty awesome, but every burger out there is as delicious as it is unique.

Clearly you’re a discriminating burger. On the Murdoch’s menu it says all your toppings and condiments are “house made.” What’s that mean?

Our chefs have worked hard to create Murdoch’s signature recipes for our condiments and toppings. Our awesome kitchen staff lovingly works with the best ingredients to make each from scratch, in small batches, every week. They’re unique to our little corner of the world, from Dragon’s Blood (our sultry blackberry / pineapple / habanero sauce that we’re all so proud of), right down to our not-so-humble ketchup that’s darn-near addictive (even though they don’t put unpronounceable chemicals or that nasty high-fructose corn stuff in there). Chef even sources some ingredients from small, local businesses, like our eggs from Three Sisters Farm, and dairy from Gramen Farm; because we love to feed AND support our community.

If you had a choice of which toppings or combo-of-toppings someone was going to dress you in, which would you pick?

Wow, that’s like asking me to pick between all my best friends. They’re all so great! But, if I had to choose, I’d definitely have to bring my bro Pork Belly along, House-Smoked Cheddar is nice and melty, Bread & Butter Peppers are sweet (and tangy), Perfect Pickles can’t be beat, Bacon Jam is amazing and always welcome and gets along real nice with our very own Spicy Cajun Aioli, and no burger outfit would be complete without a sexy Fried Egg.

Not to be rude but, tell us about your buns?

Our humans are kind of obsessed with pretzels, so we have those and they’re soft, squishable, and perfect for a burger or a sausage. But, they also understand “tradition” and offer an equally-squeezable Challah bun for burgers. Those two are handmade by the geniuses at Kraftsmen Baking, along with our Freedom Dog and Muffuletta buns. The kitchen minions also make incredibly delicious buns out of Ramen! They cook the noodles, mix them with the spice packet and eggs, then chill them to set them, and deep fry them into a surprisingly structurally-sound bun that any burger would be proud to wear. You really gotta try it for yourself! Shoots, you should definitely also check our the other things they do with buns! I’m just a burger, so I don’t know what a Muffuletta is, but it’s HUGE and looks delicious!

Do you ever sit under a heat lamp? Because, as much as people dis that, it does look pretty relaxing.

You’d think that; but no, the only relaxation a burger as hot as the Murdoch’s bunch gets is when we’re chilling out waiting to hit the griddle. I’m perfectly seared to order so I get to you hot and fresh. No breaks for us burgers! The Sausage Dogs, however, get to soak in bubbling spices and beer before getting seared. But, the Pork Belly is the lucky one who gets a relaxing 24 hour sous vide spa treatment. Our Boudin gets to slow-cook overnight. Oh, and the Pulled Pork, BBQ Chicken, and 2G’s and Atchafalaya sausage actually get to smoke out in the back yard for a couple hours! It sometimes doesn’t seem fair, but such is the life of a star.

If somebody wants a really spicy experience, what do you recommend?

Well, there’s The Apocalypse: a chicken, mango, habanero, oaxaca cheese sausage patty doused in Dragon’s Blood. That’s probably the spiciest thing on the menu. You can also throw some candied or pickled jalapeños on anything. If you want your Burger or Sausage Dog spicy, just ask and they’ll deliver the spice! Our kitchen is well-stocked with at least seven different chili powders, including Ghost Pepper and Carolina Reaper. The minions use those hottest two to make Danger Zone Sweet Chili and Danger Zone Sriracha. The rest go into our Burning Heart Boudin Balls, along with roasted jalapeño, poblano, habanero, serrano, anaheim, and red bell peppers. Just look for Murdoch The Dog on the menu for all the spicy goodness.

How is your relationship with the Freedom Dogs?

One might expect there to be some kind of rivalry or competition there, but we’re all equal in the eyes of our creator, and we know that the other is just as delicious as we are. Of course, I take great pride in my burgerness, but the Freedom Dogs feel the same way. And well they should! They’re all stuffed-up with spices, cheeses, wine, nuts, and other tasty things. You won’t find better, more unique sausage anywhere around here. It’s our uniqueness and individual greatness that makes us so awesome, and keeps the humans coming back for more. Our menu would be a poor shadow of itself without each and every one of us, even the fries. We’re all delicious, and more often than not, we go out the window to our destiny side-by-side, dressed in the same toppings, wearing the same buns. I wouldn’t even want to imagine a purely burger world. That would be terrible!

Thanks so much to our friends at Murdoch’s Backyard Burger for this fun interview!  Please check out Murdoch’s great food at their restaurant in Cypress.

18541 Mueschke Rd.

Cypress, TX 77433

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