Ever since June 7, when I found out my Antifa contact was actually an Anonymous hacktivist, I’ve maintained occasional communication with Sam, AKA Anonymous, AKA, Strollmaster. However, we’ve only ever talked over Facebook Messenger. We’ve covered a broad assortment of topics, from politics and media bias to macaroni and cheese.
Here’s the part where I tell you how much I hate Facebook Messenger. As an interviewer, I can’t easily copy and save individual quotes, because the whole dang thread zips up and highlights. It’s also very difficult to sort through texts, particularly if you can’t remember the time-stamp or any keywords of the text you’re looking for. In short, it’s a clunky medium for conducting interviews or really conversing about anything less irrelevant than Gwyneth Paltrow.
Besides, I feel like a teenager texting with a strange man I met online.
This week I got a little cocky and decided to ask Sam if he’d like to talk on the phone or over voice text. I’d been pondering how to ask him for a few days, and settled that I should bring it up in a voice text. That way, thought I, he could read my tone and know I wasn’t trying to trick him or being a nosey ditz.
Now for a little background. At some point, long, long ago, deep in the annals of Facebook Messenger, Sam pointed out to me, “For all you know, I could be an old fat guy from Pakistan.” To which I retorted, “BS. All my guy friends from Pakistan call me Jenny.”
That’s true, by the way.
So, short story long, this is the response I receive to my voice text asking Sam whether he’d like to talk IRL.
Note the title of the video, “For Jenny,” and you’ll understand to a small degree what a terrible tease Sam is.
By the way, there’s a rumor going around that Sam is a landscaper named Joe who lives in Missouri. This is patently false, although I’m sure he can pretty-up a flower bed like you wouldn’t believe. If I were to make an informed wager, I’d guess he’s a politically minded community activist, possibly even a politician, from somewhere in the vicinity of Star City. Either that, or given his conspicuous familiarity with legislation and a few niche colloquial habits, he could conceivably be a lawyer from Hell’s Kitchen.