On July 1, Delaney Farrell died of a heroin overdose, just twelve days before her 24th birthday. The young woman had battled addiction for a long time, causing herself and her family unimaginable pain. In life, Delaney was a talented writer, singer, and loved making people laugh, but her struggle with drugs unleashed a darker side as well. At one point, Delaney captured her sorrow and guilt in this stunning poem:
Funny, I don’t remember no good dope days,
I remember walking for miles in a dope fiend haze;
I remember sleeping in houses that had no electric,
I remember being called a junkie, but I couldn’t accept it.
I remember hanging out in abandos that were empty and dark,
I remember shooting up in the bathroom and falling out at the park,
I remember nodding out in front of my sisters kid,
I remember not remembering half of the things that I did.
I remember the dope man’s time frame, just ten more minutes,
I remember those days being so sick that I just wanted to end it,
I remember the birthdays and holiday celebrations,
All the things I missed during my incarceration.
I remember overdosing on my bedroom floor,
I remember my sisters cry and my dad having to break down the door,
I remember the look on his face when I opened my eyes
Thinking today was the day that his baby had died.
I remember blaming myself when my mom decided to leave,
I remember the guilt I felt in my chest making it hard to breathe,
I remember caring so much but not knowing how to show it,
And I know to this day that she probably don’t even know it.
I remember feeling like I lost all hope,
I remember giving up my body for the next bag of dope,
I remember only causing pain, destruction, and harm,
I remember the track marks the needles left on my arm.
I remember watching the slow break up of my home,
I remember thinking my family would be better off if I just left them alone,
I remember looking in the mirror at my sickly completion,
I remember not recognizing myself in my own damned reflection.
I remember constantly obsessing over my next score,
But what I remember most is getting down on my knees
And asking God to save me
Cuz I don’t want to do this no more!
“Sadly for us, but lucky for her, God was listening and answered her prayers,” Delaney’s mother writes. “Now she is no longer in pain, and is flying free.”